Mind wobbles

Walking here in the dusk I see airplanes occupying the sky like bees in a hive. It smells like it did during our holidays at mas nou. A lone truck drives slowly drives past me and I smell its gas. Now it is dark again. No one else is walking here. The lights burn inside the houses, but they're probably just watching meaningless tv. Ah, two more cars drive by, faster this time. Their headlights will always remind me of that philosophy problem of the two motorcycles. Nothing is as it seems and our senses continuously cheat on us. The air feels cool on the skin of my hands as I'm typing this. Nothing like the unbearable heat I've tried to endure inside the house for the past few hours. The moon is peeping through the dark, blue clouds. It's almost like krishna is winking at me from up there. I'm not sure what it would mean but always nice to imagine ;). The bare trees draw their scary silhouettes against the (on that side) still slightly reddish sky. It has been a while since I walked in our neighborhood at dark, and it strikes me again how extremely boring it is. I haven't even seen anyone walking a dog for God's sake. The community news bulletin board requests us to please keep Brentwood clean and to follow them on Facebook. There seem to be a lot of people at the gym, I'm slightly sad I can't go anymore because of the schedule I've been trying to abide with. 2015 still seems like it started yesterday, I can't believe that already two months have passed. I've entered my second year in America and I still argue with the fact that I can't see my best friends all the time. I keep telling myself to call them, write them, Skype them or at least send a little what's app or Facebook message that I miss them and that we will see each other soon. So many plans should have already been made. So many things already done, and here I find myself just being for once really happy that I'm smelling spring. No flowers, no green, but the smell is there. It means so many things to me, but most of all that however long something seems to be dead and useless, at some point it'll revive. Right after I typed that a soft breeze caressed my face. I was listening to kirtan earlier, but for some reason I tried out the sweet sound of silence for a while. It let me be alone with my thoughts, taking a moment to enjoy my surroundings before I'll have to worry about the loundry that I should've folded today. A lot of things have happened the past week, and I feel like there's a lot more to come in the near future. Perhaps, just perhaps, knowing that spring will always come again will help going forward, while caring for the sweet memories of the past. Remembering that a tear or two is no problem, they just might help to clean up your mind. The love that we share is one without limits neither in time or in space. I still love my family as much as i did while being around them 24/7. Maybe the distance has only increased my appreciation, and let me see more clearly how I've been fortunate with such a beautiful set of parents and the best friend one could ever wish for. She's always been the one to trigger my guilt, my jealousy and my deepest affection. I am guilty of not having been there for enough of her moments, experiences and realizations. I'm jealous of her insights and power and determination. But she's the most wonderful person and I'd never trade any of them for anyone in this world or the next. Wording this actually got me a "brok in mijn keel", but it's still easier to write than to tell them in person.
Don't waste the time I've wasted. Imagine you'd not see them for months in a row, years on end, and love them the way they deserve to be loved.