Papa

29 sept 2014 - Tomorrow is my father's 54th birthday. I'd like to take a few minutes and write about him. One of the strongest memories I'll always cherish is when I found out that I needed my dad to give guidance in my life and that I needed him to love me. It happened when I had done something displeasing to him, and acted as if I couldn't care less about it's implications. He was disappointed in me and said that he'd continue to take care of me as long as I'd be under his roof, provide everything I'd need, but that he'd never again tell me right from wrong, that never again he'd do anything more than necessary for me to succeed in life. The essence of it was that I thought he wouldn't want to be my daddy anymore. That was a loss I couldn't bear to think of. At the moment I didn't want to admit defeat, but the tears blurred my vision and gave way for my innate stubbornness to take over. I know he saw that, as he always sees right through my hard masks of indifference. At the same time I knew as well that as soon as I'd say sorry, admit defeat, that we'd be buddies again, but that little word meant the world to me at that time. It was mine, and I didn't want to give it up. Stupid, silly me. As I'm writing this, the tears seem to have never disappeared, always lingering right under the surface whenever this memory would make its way back into my conscience. I know he'll never stop loving me, or my sister or my mother, but the mere thought of the possibility would make me shiver with fear and regret. He is exactly that, he is that strong person that you look up to, a person you need to love you, a person that does whatever he does because he loves you and you love him back.

Ik hou van je, Pap en je cadeautje komt eraan!

P.S. Being physically so far away from my parents gives me a lot of time to reflect on the way they raised and educated me. The games we played, the security our home offered and the freedoms we were allowed to own. I appreciate them all the more for it and long to be like them when it'll be my turn to raise and educate.